Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts

Monday, December 31, 2012

How to Laugh at Fear

Decades ago, a great idea, and he (his house too) would say, "You can't do that." Garden plans would be diminished or stopped altogether.


Several years of this circus, I got off the merry-go-round.  No fear.  Began going to Europe, studying historic landscapes, received another degree, horticulture.  Opened a Garden Design business, new decades of family disapproval, "Use your engineering degree, don't be a bag lady."  Thanks for that refrain, dad.
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Many lean years.  To the bone.  I didn't care.
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Went to a career coaching weekend a decade ago & had an epiphany, "What would I do tomorrow if I were not afraid?"  Fear is a sure thing, it will keep coming back with new expertise/costume guaranteed.
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Jumping forward to the last 3 years, worst economy since the Great Depression, I've had the top earning years of my career.  Moved 'him' out, bought my own home & another home nearby to use as an office/guest cottage.
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Ironically, getting rid of fear taught me how to know if I'm doing the right thing in my career.  Choices are tough but once made, the choice is FUN.  And the choices aren't in my head, I ask my heart.  My head is a lizard brain.
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Are you afraid?  What would you do tomorrow if you were not afraid?
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Garden & Be Well,      XO Tara
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Pic via Habitually Chic
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"Wherever our most primal fears reside--our fears of the dark, of death, of being devoured, of meaninglessness, of lovelessness, or of loss--changes are good that beneath them lie gems of wisdom and maybe a vision or a calling. Wherever you stumble--on a tree root, on a rock, on fear or shame, or vulnerability, on someone else's words, on the truth--dig there." Gregg Levoy




Monday, December 17, 2012

Choosing Chairs


A small flagstone terrace is almost complete at my new French doors in the kitchen.  Need to order the Phantom screen doors this week.  


All this for a pair of garden chairs to USE.  Adirondack's, above, are too big.  French chairs, below, have no support for leaning my head back.


The new chairs must be easy to move and a lot of the time I'll be working wireless with my feet up in the opposite chair.
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On the hunt for MY perfect pair of garden chairs.  Life is good.
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Does anyone know how to keep cats from climbing retractable screen doors?
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Garden & Be Well,   XO Tara
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Project began December 2011 when my dad was diagnosed with cancer & died 22 days later.  During those 22 days my 30 year marriage was finalized in divorce.  'Planned' for last Christmas was installation of new heart of pine flooring in several rooms to match the rest of my home.  Existing flooring was refinished, all furniture, including office, was put into the garage.  To the ceiling.  I bought my own home late this fall.    That was the fear of divorcing, losing home/garden.  FEAR.  Instead, Providence deflated the housing market!  Did I mention I was afraid of losing my home of 28 years?  He, college sweetheart, began having car wrecks, most drunks do, in 2010.  One nite late, reading in bed, days after I discovered the 1st car wreck via my insurance company, I felt & knew something quite clear.  Fear had left.  After a decade+ of pure, daily, second to second fear, it was gone.  Time to divorce.  His alcoholism took me to poverty in 1999, I barely kept the roof over our heads.  Been a victim?  It stinks.  Took less than a month to figure that out.  Discovered Lois in a group meeting for friends/family of alcoholics.  Victimhood over.  Survivor.  But that wasn't enough.  Thriver.  Yes.  In a delightful twist my divorce attorney hired me recently.  Handing me a check she stopped in mid-air & began to cry.  She said it was not often she was able to see the results of her work & described my demeanor of fear/sadness when we 1st met in her office to what she had seen of me in her garden.  Teary eyed myself  & hugging each other, I thanked her for helping me divorce a 300 pound drinking problem!  We were laughing thru tears at this point, and aren't those the best?  Proudest achievements?  Financially doing all of this myself, no help, none.  Divorce was amicable.  Making the choice to be happy everyday.  'Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive.'  I'm super dangerous, I can thrive.            
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Top pic taken in my garden!  Proof, happiness/joy can be created, and more, a zone of grace around home & life.